Support for Parents & Carers
As your child gets older, it is natural that they will begin to experiment, test boundaries and explore new experiences as they grow into an adult. As parents and carers it is a difficult job to balance the value of allowing these new experiences against keeping children and young people safe from potential harm.
What makes them vulnerable?
Abusers target children because they are easier to control at a formative stage in their lives. They are more easily impressed by displays of wealth, or power, and the action of grooming, where a relationship and trust is formed, leaving the child feeling that nothing is wrong and struggling to consider themselves a victim. Many young people as they get older will exhibit some of these signs, which don’t immediately put them at risk of exploitation –
- Taking risks
- Experimenting with alcohol, drugs or their sexuality
- Rebelling against authority
- Being able to stay out later
- Meeting new people
- Being secretive
Many of these are normal and most adults will identify with one or more of them from their own adolescence. However, when these behaviours are coupled with additional factors, such as –
- Feeling isolated / having low self esteem
- Living in care
- Being bullied
- Unstable family networks / domestic issues
- Disabilities or special educational needs
- Previous experience of abuse
- Recent bereavement
- Experience of living in poverty / being tight on money
This can greatly increase the likelihood that they will be targeted by an abuser. Coupled together these factors can create behaviour that abusers look for, including:
- How self-esteem and a high need for affection/attention
- Seeking ‘love’ or a relationship – and resisting telling anyone about it because of the need to continue in a relationship or to maintain their credibility with friends and peers
- Feeling disinhibited and seeking adventure/taking risks – this puts them at risk because their behaviour can be used against them as blackmail
- A desire to get money or expensive items – this makes them likely to accept them as gifts without questioning how they may be forced to pay back for them, or more likely to undertake criminal activity to ‘earn’ money.
What to look for
Warning signs that exploitation may be taking place commonly include –
- Secretive behaviour (more so than usual) which is met with mood swings and defensiveness if questioned. The mood swings are usually severe – many parents first see that their child
- seems to have changed personality.
- They stop engaging with their usual friends
- They are associating with men and women older than they are, potentially in a relationship with them
- They have new, expensive items they could not normally afford, such as phones, jewellery or clothing, which they may hide or be secretive about where it came from
- They receive messages or calls from unknown people through their phone or online game
- They spend large amounts of time online, often talking to strangers
- They are absent from school or home regularly, sometimes overnight, and are secretive about where they’ve been.
What you can do
- Discuss online safety with your child, and check that their privacy settings and apps/games that they use don’t send out more information than they should to the people they interact with.
- Talk about what makes a healthy and unhealthy relationship.
- Healthy Relationships include good communication, mutual respect and trust, honesty and equality. Both people can make choices in the relationship about their behaviour and aren’t coerced into doing things they don’t want to.
- Unhealthy relationships include a high level of control on one side – where one person controls the others money, time, what they wear or access to their family/friends. They can do this by criticising and putting down the other person, or using threats of violence against them, their families or their property.
- Be aware of any warning signs mentioned above and talk to us if you need further support.
You can contact our specialist Family Services Co-Ordinator for one to one support.
HOW WE CAN HELP
- We support young people under the age of 18 who are being or at risk of being exploited.
- You can talk to us about anything and we don’t judge people.
- We are friendly, supportive and caring and most importantly we work around you.
A PARENTS STORY
“She and others in her friendship group were targeted by a man online – who turned out to be living abroad – but luckily she eventually told her foster carer what was going on.”